Almost
every client who consults with me complains about their ex. Sally from
Minnetonka, Minnesota is typical. “John is very controlling and narcissistic.
He thinks only about himself, and he can do no wrong.” I asked her if her ex
had been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She shrugged. “I
don’t know. I was reading about it on the internet and John fits the description
very well.” I smiled.
As
reviewed Sally’s case, I agreed that John’s behavior appeared to be
controlling, and he did, in fact, show little insight into Sally’s feelings.
However, I am a lawyer. I’m not a psychologist. Sally’s characterization of her
ex does help me understand the dynamic of her particular case, but it also sets
a self-fulfilling expectation for future conduct. The diagnosis establishes in
Sally’s mind that there is something “wrong” with John. His future actions will
be viewed through that filter.
Co-parenting
is really hard when you think something is wrong with the other parent.
Consider Molly, a woman from Maple Grove, Minnesota who came to me because her
ex-husband had filed a motion to change custody, because two of their four
children were having problems in school. Her ex-husband believed the problems
were caused by Molly’s depression. Certainly, Molly hadn’t had the most stable
of living situations. However, as I delved deeper into her case, Molly was a
loving mother who had a lot of strengths as a parent. She was very involved in
her children’s lives, and she did her best to help her children with school,
but it just wasn’t her strength. When we mediated, I discovered that Molly’s
ex-husband was also a perfectly reasonable person who had fallen into the trap
of viewing his children’s problems as a symptom of his ex’s diagnosis. In that
case, we were able to use a therapeutic approach to help the parents understand
and address their children’s psychological and education needs.
As a
Family Law attorney Minnesota, it is
my job to help my client use the legal system to resolve disputes when the
parents have separated. I find it useful to understand how my clients view the
other side of the case. But permanent solutions almost always require my client
to co-parent despite the faults of the other parent.
About Author
Jennifer
graduated from the University of Minnesota cum laude with a bachelor’s degree
in speech communications. In 2006, Jennifer achieved her life’s dream; owning
her own family Law Attorney Minnesota practice. She practices every day as Divorce attorney
MN with
the intention of representing her clients’ future.
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